this weekend i am going over to Boston. i will be going to the Hallmark Institute of Photography. i am STOKED. then, the next day, i will photography Boston. i will get lost in the lens. i will leave all else behind.

i wish i could be content to travel the world, freezing certain moments on film of the food i saw in the market that day, or the unusual instrument i saw the man on the side of the street playing. i want to experience life for what it is. when i realize that nothing in this world could ever make me content, i remember that my home is not here. and that is why i don't feel comfortable.

i don't know the way. i don't know what next year, or what tonight holds. i could rip out my hair in despair, or i could be content in this moment, and know that i have a future Home.

and when i know this, i am at peace with being a renter in this world.

i don't feel right.
something is wrong. i've been denying it.


i'm going to give until there's nothing left. i'm going to live fearless.
i'm going to push forward. i'm going to live without regrets.
because when i'm asked what i did with my life, i want to have something to say.

i want to feel right inside. i want to feel whole and i want to feel fixed.
i don't think that feeling is for this life.

i need to get better so i can go running. i need to study more. i need to do chapter titles.

i need to get my act together so i can just help other people.

i'm trusting you with this Lord. i don't want to go to that place where i shut off my emotions again. i don't want to go back to not caring. i need You to save me again.

well.
it's been a while since i wrote in this thing.

lately, i've missed all of my friends.
lately, i've wanted to get out of this town.
lately, i've wanted a change of pace.


my thoughts are all over the place. college swallowed my friends. again. and i'm left with no life outside of school, soccer, work, and running. anything social went down the drain when i clicked the "i have read and accepted the conditions on this agreement" box for my stc application.